Tag Archives: Missouri

Prompt for the Day: “Pensive”

The prompt suggested a few days ago by the deep thinkers at the Daily Post division of Word Press was “Pensive“.

Deep Thinking Frightens Me

These days, I try to avoid getting stuck in my memories of days long past and severely missed!  Wish we still lived in Colorado with the two cats we had adopted in IL.  Unfortunately, neither them or me took well to being relocated to the evil state of WI.  They missed the ability to safely sun themselves each day, and I missed the friends I had made in CO.

In WI, I was unable to find decent employment.  What I did find, with the wicked retail establishment drove me to literally prepare to commit suicide!  The only thing that stopped me was a police officer pounding on the front door.  He placed me into a mental hospital in Duluth, MN.  At least he got me out of the state I was living in!  My husband was not too happy, to say the least.  Took years to repair the damage between us I had caused.  We lived in that dreadful state for about 8 months, total.  Too long, for my health, in my opinion!

We packed back up and retreated with our tails between our legs to southern IL to live in my dead grandparent’s house.  The house was infested with fleas by my aunt who had been living there.  Our cats ended up having to be covered with a flea killing powder to get rid of the infestation.  Took the cats with me to my parent’s home so my husband could set off a flea bomb in the house to kill the pests.  We stayed at my mom’s for the rest of the day, even though she is allergic to cats!  My husband was able to find a job in an evil retail company in a neighbouring town.  With the little income he was pulling in, we started to get back on our feet.

So we relocated to the state in which we had originally met.  MO this time around let me reconnect with my friend my first real networking job.  I loved being there, but the villainous place my husband had transferred into drove him nuts.  Basically, without any real warning we packed up and moved to the nightmare of a city in MN.

Hastings, MN is not a friendly place.  Too many people there doing hideous things to feel safe.  Pretty sure there were drug deals happening in the apartment complex we were forced to reside in.  It was supposedly handicap accessible.  Having lived in a real handicap accessible place back in MO, I could tell anyone I could find to listen that it WAS NOT!  Only one elevator in the entire building.  Going up and down stairs in a wheelchair is a terrifying endeavour!  Had an electric wheelchair provided by my social security disability back in MO, but it would not actually fit in the apartment in that evil city.  My manual chair that I had purchased back in the late 1990’s was all I had to move around in now.

After living there for a few years, got a new manual  wheelchair placed on order.  The only problem was getting it small enough to fit through the doors of our apartment.  For some unknown reason, I desired the ability to go in and out of the bathroom!  I must have been spoiled as a child, to expect to be able to get in to use the toilet or take a shower.  We ended up residing in that complex for around eight long lonely years.  We started looking for a home to purchase.

After visiting several locations with a realtor’s agent, we found one that in my mind’s eye held definite possibilities!  We closed on the deal and moved in five days later.  (Had truly never unpacked since leaving CO!)  There was no way to get my wheelchair in and out of the home.  My husband purchased two metal pieces to help get me in and out.  Not a safe option, but it was all we had at the time.

Started doing some research on what it took to get an actual ramp for me to be able to get both in and out of the house safely.  There are A.D.A. building diagrams on how to build safe ramps for wheelchairs.  Stumbled across a agency that is devoted to helping the disabled gain accessibility.  Contacted them.  They looked over our past tax returns for the last two years and decided the ramp would not cost us a dime!  Their employees where all respectful and were amazed that I let them use our downstairs bathroom (had a real door on it, the upstairs only has a curtain over the doorway).  Only took them little over a week after construction actually started to complete it (would have been sooner if the weather had cooperated)!

Please Help Fight Terrible Disease

The medicine my neurologist prescribed for me to treat my multiple sclerosis is called Tysabri. Trying to find the actual cost on the internet is basically nearly impossible. I remember when I first started on the drug the amount the facility tried charging me was well over $2500. There was no way my husband and I could afford that then or every 28 days! Biogen (the company that manufactures the drug) has been helping us with some of the cost of the drug, but will not continue helping indefinitely. So I have started a Go Fund Me campaign. To contribute to the fund, click on the following link: https://www.gofundme.com/zfabhdes

Prompt for Today: “Crossroads”

The indecisive people from the Daily Post group of Word Press decided to make us face our indecision points in life by using “Crossroads” for today’s prompt for our artistic works.

Had Many Crossroads

The first major one was leaving the state in which I grew up to attend college alone.  Turned out the new site let me be introduced to many new cultures and people.  After a few years there, I met and fell in love with the man I would end up marrying.  We moved in together for about two years before our wedding occurred.  Had promised my grandpa that I would not get married until I had graduated from college, so the day after graduation was our wedding!

Had a full time job before I graduated, was happy with it at the time until a co-worker passed away.  He literally was the voice of the company that was familiar to all employees, customers, farmers, and every one else that had contact with the place.  I could not handle the man they hired for his replacement or the empty desk.  So I went looking for a new job else where.

Our new family (my husband and I) would have to relocate.  Wound up landing an interview with a consulting firm based out of Texas’s Chicago location.  Caught a flight from Springfield, MO to Chicago’s O’Hare airport.  The manager I was supposed to meet actually met me with a sign with my name on it welcoming me.  He had a limo waiting to take us to his office!   Met a few of who would become my co-workers there.  He had some people do face to face interviews with me.  Ended up liking them all and had a great time.

Later that evening, we went to what I would learn happened ever month a team meeting.  Since I would be the first female employee on the team they were all trying to be too damn polite around me.  So I told them a dirty joke completely straight faced.  Had them rolling and breathing better.  Became one of the guys on the team.  They took me to my hotel where I could get a little sleep.

Was picked up in the morning to receive my offer letter for the job I had been given the chance to accept if me and my husband would be willing to relocate to the area.  Caught a flight home to Missouri where my other half picked me up at the airport.  He called his employer to turn in his notice of resignation as I contacted my boss to warn him I would be resigning at the end of the week.

This would begin our relocation phase.  Would end up adopting 2 wonderful cats.  Moving to Colorado.  And the story just keeps going!

Please Help Fight Terrible Disease

The medicine my neurologist prescribed for me to treat my multiple sclerosis is called Tysabri. Trying to find the actual cost on the internet is basically nearly impossible. I remember when I first started on the drug the amount the facility tried charging me was well over $2500. There was no way my husband and I could afford that then or every 28 days! Biogen (the company that manufactures the drug) has been helping us with some of the cost of the drug, but will not continue helping indefinitely. So I have started a Go Fund Me campaign. To contribute to the fund, click on the following link: https://www.gofundme.com/zfabhdes

Prompt for the Day- “This Is Your Life”

A gentleman from the Daily Press suggested today’s prompt of “This Is Your Life“.  Then they added a question followed by a statement:”If you could read a book containing all that has happened and will ever happen in your life, would you? If you choose to read it, you must read it cover to cover. ”

Considering How Screwed Up My Life Has been This Far…

Less than a year after marrying the man of my dreams, was devastated by a diagnoses of multiple  sclerosis.  He stood by me even after the diagnoses was confirmed.  Has continued to help me survive with it for 20 years!

Has not been all roses and rainbows, though.  We started out living in Missouri where we both had decent enough jobs.  Both were not profitable, had to pay off my student loans after all!  Got a job offer that required us to move to upper Illinois.  Was sort of my dream job as a network engineer.  Just think, I would be in charge of telling data where to go and how to get there for a living!  Paid really well, too.

We did not want to continue living in the Chicago-metro area for the rest of our lives, though.  Got myself transferred to a different branch of the company located in the Denver, Colorado metro area.  Got an appointment with a neurologist there.  He got me started on Avonex to help counteract the disease from taking away my abilities to live.

Got to go skiing for the first time with my husband our first Christmas there.  He was used to cross country skiing, down hill skiing wasn’t that different.  I was a green grass ski bunny in my skiing ignorance.  After living for a year in a crappy apartment there, we tried buying an older home in Aurora.

Started making improvements to the house little by little.  Invested in a bunch of Craftsman tools.  Power tools were my thing.  Drooled over them every time I entered the Sears store.  Contracted to get our windows replaced at a discount by allowing the company to advertise the improvements on our front yard.  There was no air conditioning in the house, so we had a swamp cooler installed on the roof.  With two mortgages on the house, things started feeling tight.

Made friends with the neighbors around the cul-de-sac where we lived.  My employer was starting to have problems with finances.  I found another networking company to work for in the area.  The new company didn’t keep the promises they made during my interview.  I did not want to have to travel more than two hours each way to get to and from my job sites.  They wanted my to work far south of Colorado Springs on a contract they had secured there.  I refused.  They had me do busy work, so I started looking for a new job on the side.

Found a job at a Rhythms Netconnections as a layer three engineer.  (That means I told data where to go and how to get there!)  Had great fun working on the site.  Noticed that things were starting to go down hill as far as the company was concerned after a few months working there.  Had been investing in the company’s stocks by having a portion of my salary being diverted to the company.  We were not allowed to withdraw our stocks when we needed to be able to have access to our money.

They started limiting the services we provided to our customers by changing what networking options were available.  We had to change our layer three customers over to a crappier layer two service.  Instead of controlling routing, the customer’s services to a site were either on or off.  This was no longer my dream job.  I was working on their third shift team.  We were told the entire company had to report at 9 AM one morning regardless of whether we were scheduled to work that day or not.

We were divided into two groups.  The group I was in was told to go over to the other side of the building.  We waited there for around a half hour before we were told that our services were no longer needed with this company.  They gave us papers explaining our severance packages, and then we were escorted out of the building.

Went home to file for unemployment for the first time in my life.  Had two mortgages with limited income coming in from my severance package.  Started looking for a job.  There were none to be found in my field of work.  After more than a year of searching, landed a contract job for the Department of Homeland Security about August of 2003.  Did not have to report to the site until later that year.

Once we started working full time on site, managed to get my shift changed to third shift since that was what my husband was working at the time.  Never did actually obtain the clearance that was needed to give me access to the country’s routers due to my lack of clearance.  Somehow manage to become the third shift manager.  (Remember, we are talking about our national security?)  Still had no clearance, but was in charge!

My husband decided he wanted to purchase a bar back in Wisconsin.  So I resigned my position on contract.  He found us a house there to purchase.  I started packing our home up the best I could.  We contracted a moving company to relocate our belongings for us.  The moving truck came and took everything with them and left us our sleeping bags and a suitcase of our clothes.

We said good bye to our neighbors and drove away to resettle in WI.  When we got to our new house, it was not what I was expecting.  Much smaller and on a main highway!  December is not a pleasant time to move to WI.  Am very allergic to smoke.  The house was heated by a wood burning  heater in the basement.  No one lived close by with which to talk to on a day to day basis.  Got really lonely out there.  The woods had wolves that lived in them and frequently came up to our back door.  There was a bear that liked to scratch itself on a tree near the house.

There was a herd of deer that would feed in our back yard area.  Wild life was not scarce in our area.  Bobcats would climb on top of the garage.  Had a bobcat kitten come up to the front window once.

Since my income no longer was coming in, had to take a job at the only place hiring in the area.  Working there caused me to try to commit suicide.  Called a friend to say good bye one last time.  She got the state police to knock on my front door.  They took me away to a hospital.

After several days was released from the hospital to my husband.  We filed for bankruptcy due to all the bills that had been accumulated.  After that, we relocated to southern Illinois where my deceased grandparents used to live.  Was not a good retreat.  Felt like we were crawling back with our tails between our legs in shame.

My husband was able to secure work in a neighboring town in the retail business.  He started rebuilding our finances.  Applied for Medicare Disability Income, due to the fact I was no longer able to walk.  After a little over a year we managed to move back to where we first met in Missouri.  My income from medicare started to be dependable.

He had transferred his position where he worked in IL to a different site in MO.  The MO site didn’t suite his style, so he transferred to a different section of town’s site.  That one worked a little better for him.   Got an electric wheelchair through medicare.  He traded in my car to get a van so we could move my wheelchair if we needed to change our current location.

He got fed up with MO, so he wanted to relocate to Minnesota to be closer to his parents.  They claimed to have found a handicap accessible apartment complex for us to live in.  (Have no idea where they got the impression it was accessible from!)  Never been in a more inaccessible building in my life!

Tried moving down to a lower floor, still inaccessible.  Was stuck living there for close to seven long drawn out years.  Once we had accumulated enough money for a decent down payment on a house, we started looking.  In August of 2004, we started purchasing an older home in St. Paul.  There are still many things that need to be improved, but we will get it done eventually!

Please help fight my disease

The medicine my neurologist has me on for my multiple sclerosis is called Tysabri.  Trying to find the actual cost on the internet is impossible.  I remember when I first started on it , the amount the facility tried charging me was well over $2500.  There was no way my husband and I could afford that every 28 days!  Biogen (manufacturing drug company) has been helping us with some of the cost of the drug, but will not continue helping indefinitely.  So I have started a Go Fund Me campaign.  To contribute to the fund, click on the following link: https://www.gofundme.com/zfabhdes

All help will be greatly appreciated.   Thank you for your generosity!

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Down load an  Adobe Reader file entitled “How to create a sales presentation that closes deals” by clicking this link How to create presentation.

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Prompt for the Day: “The Guilt that Haunts Me”

The word smiths of the Daily Post division of Word Press must have magical powers that lets them see into my past!  They chose “The Guilt that Haunts Me” for the prompt for the day.  Made one statement, followed by two questions to drive us mad with our guilt -“Share a time when you were overcome with guilt. What were the circumstances? How did you overcome you guilt?”

My biggest Guilt

Back after we left our home in Colorado to move into a house located in Wisconsin, there was no work available for me in my line of employment.  The only job I was able to find was at a really bad Walmart store in Superior, WI.  Ended up trying and failing in several positions located through out the establishment.  Was allergic to the chemicals in the lawn and garden department.  Tried working in the Sporting Goods area, but since my balance was off due to my multiple sclerosis I refused to risk climbing a ladder.  So they demoted me to the position of People Greeter.  (Tend not to be a people person by nature…)  Went to stock the entrance shelves, left my wheelchair sitting by a cash register, then used a shopping cart to help me walk to stock the shelves.  When I returned, my wheelchair was gone!

Originally got that wheelchair back in 1996 less than a year after I married my husband.  Needless to say, I panicked!  Had a department manager get on the loud speaker asking for the return of my chair.  Was a long day, a young man with a cast on his leg had seen my chair and thought it looked better than the strictly metal ones the store provided for customers.  After that happened, put a sign on the chair that read “Personal Property of (my name)”.

Got sick one day while working at the PG position.  Was not able to get permission to use the restroom fast enough.  Ended up literately shiting my pants.  Cleaned up the best I could in the bathroom and told management I needed to go home.  They tried to argue until I took my work smock off and they could see the mess that was hiding beneath it.  They gave me several shopping bags to cover my car seat with on the way home.

If that wasn’t enough, we were not making enough money to survive on between my little income and my husband’s two jobs, we had to use county food shelf services.  Went to work one day and purchased NyQuil before I left.  The cashier reminded me to read the directions and he hoped I would be feeling better tomorrow.My husband was working a late shift, he was leaving as I got home.  Told him I loved him, he told me he’d see me when he got back from work.  Heard him drive out the drive way, so I opened up the NyQuil bottle.  Dug out my prescription of Neurontin which was supposed to stop my seizures (actually caused me to contract grand mal seizures) set it beside the NyQuil bottle.  Wrote letters saying that I would never see them again to several people, put stamps on the letters, and went out side to place them in the mail box.  Called a friend to say good bye one last time before I committed suicide.  She kept me on the phone for a really long time, she kept asking me information about where I lived  now.  (Her husband was calling the local police where I was living.)  She told me I had better write my husband a really long letter saying fare well to him.  Told her I had already done that, it was sitting on the kitchen table as we spoke.  She told me to make sure this was what I wanted.  Let her know exactly how I was planning on doing it, wash the pills down with the NyQuil and finish off the remaining NyQuil after all the pills were down my throat.  She kept asking if I was sure that would work, I replied if it didn’t would have to try slitting my wrists properly (most people do it wrong).  We eventually said good bye.  Set the phone down and got ready to go through with it…

When I

heard someone pounding on our front door.  Figured someone had car trouble, so I went and answered the door.  Was a state trooper coming to take me away to a mental lockup!  The officer let me get a change of clothes to take with me.  Let him know about the letters in the mail box, he let me take them out of it.  Was driven up to a hospital in Superior.  He left me at the intake part of the facility.  So began my biggest piece of guilt in my life.  Was over two days before I got to speak to my husband on the phone.

The third day he came up to visit me in the hospital.  He admits he didn’t believe me when I warned him I was going to kill myself.  We do not keep NyQuil in the house anymore, regardless of the weather.  Took many months before we were able to relocate to a different state of the US.  Took us resettling back in Missouri, where we had originally met before our relationship started getting back to normal.  Feel really guilty for putting him through all that mess!

 

Please help fight my disease

The medicine my neurologist has me on for my multiple sclerosis is called Tysabri.  Trying to find the actual cost on the internet is impossible.  I remember when I first started on it , the amount the facility tried charging me was well over $2500.  There was no way my husband and I could afford that every 28 days!  Biogen (manufacturing drug company) has been helping us with some of the cost of the drug, but will not continue helping indefinitely.  So I have started a Go Fund Me campaign.  To contribute to it click, on the following link: https://www.gofundme.com/zfabhdes

All help will be greatly appreciated.   Thank you for your generosity!

FREE electronic How-To Directions

Down load an  Adobe Reader file entitled “How to create a sales presentation that closes deals” by clicking this link How to create presentation

‪#‎30DaysOfContent‬

 

Prompt for the day: “The Great Pretender”

The artful people of the Daily Post group of Word Press crafted today’s prompt of “The Great Pretender“.  They also posed a question, followed by a request.  “Are you full of confidence or have you ever suffered from Impostor Syndrome? Tell us all about it.”

In my life

It all depends on which period of my life you are discussing.

  1. While growing up in the forgotten part of southern Illinois, pretended to be smart and religious christian to make my father happy.  The church in which I was forced to belong , the United Church of Christ, was money hungry to put it politely.
  2. Moved out of state to attend college in Missouri.  While there, tried to join the domination located there to be told informed they weren’t interested in letting college students join.  Joined a Methodist church that welcomed and let college kids participate in their faith.  Ended up getting married to my husband in that church because he had joined it as well.
  3. Got a job that forced us to move to the Chicago-metro area of IL.  Was the first female in the branch of the company to be hired.  Did a lot of pretending to fit in with the all male environment.  Spent 18 months there.  While on a contract to cover for a man who’s wife had a baby out in California.  Had to fly there going through and stopping at Denver International Airport in Colorado.  While taxing down the runway to return home, saw what literally looked like fire raining down from above in the sky.  Knew I wanted to live in that place next!
  4. Got transferred within the company to the Denver area branch.  The company started to disintegrate from lack of business.  Saw the signs before, so I found another company to work for in the same field of employment.  Lasted only a month or so there.  Found a different field of work that still used my technical knowledge.  Started the new job, the Monday after the Friday I quit the last job!  Company was on shaky grounds before I started.  Was unaware of the fact.  A little over a year and a half after I was hired, the company filed for bankruptcy.  Was let go like all the other people working there.  Was unemployed for the first time in my life.  After much searching for new work, was hired by a contractor for the Department of Homeland Security.  My husband was not happy with where we lived.  He wanted to move to Wisconsin.
  5. I resigned my work and we packed up the house and moved to try and purchase a bar in WI.  There was no employment available in my field anywhere near where we were living.   So with absolutely no income coming in, had to seek employment some where.  Made the mistake of accepting the first full time job offered to me.  Led me down the road to try committing suicide, I was so miserable!  Ended up having to file bankruptcy.  Lost our house in CO and all my retirement savings that I had amassed during my years of employment.  Had to retreat with our tails between our legs back to the miserable area of southern IL.
  6. Back in IL, we lived in my dead grandparents old home.  Filed for medicare disability since I was no longer able to work.  My husband was able to find employment in a nearby town.  With my health deteriorating at an alarming rate had to get help from the state to take care of me.  Was not able to keep the house clean and running like I’d always done.  A little over 18 months, had given us the chance to get back up on our feet financially.  We returned to the city in which we had been married in MO.
  7. Since my husband was able to transfer the position he worked in IL to MO, we still had income coming in.  Was able to get an electronic wheelchair paid for through my medicare disability.  Was still not able to find myself work.  Now was in my wheelchair 24 hours a day.  The location he was now working in did not treat him well.  He transferred to another location.  Still unhappy, he decided we had to move to another state entirely!
  8. Minnesota was were he wanted to move to this time.  Did some research and discovered a town that had handicapped housing available.  Unfortunately, his employer did not have a location anywhere near there.  So we moved into an apartment complex that was supposed to be fully handicap accessible. (Apparently, an actual person confined to a  wheelchair had not ever tried living there successfully before!)  Was a living nightmare!  Electric wheelchair would not even fit in the doors.  Thankfully still had brought my manual chair that I have had since 1996 along when we moved each time.  The wheelchair began to show its age.  Brakes no longer worked.  Would not even fit into the bathroom when we eventually moved down to the first floor,  had to remove the leg rests from the chair.  Looked into getting a new wheelchair from my disability insurance.  They had a little problem getting it small enough to allow me to be able to use the restroom.  After three tries, they got the perfect model.  Now had a chair that the gentleman who delivered it taught me to take care of the brakes.
  9. We started looking for a home so we could get out of the dreaded apartment complex from hell!  Enlisted the aide of a helpful realtor.  Found a house located in a city that had 24 hour transportation available for the handicap population.  Closed on the house on the 15th of August.  Moved in on the 20th!  Love our new neighbors.

Please help fight my disease

The medicine my neurologist has me on for my multiple sclerosis is called Tysabri.  Trying to find the actual cost on the internet is impossible.  I remember when I first started on it , the amount the facility tried charging me was well over $2500.  There was no way my husband and I could afford that every 28 days!  Biogen (manufacturing drug company) has been helping us with some of the cost of the drug, but will not continue indefinitely.  So I have started a Go Fund Me campaign.  To contribute to it click on the following link: https://www.gofundme.com/zfabhdes

All help will be greatly appreciated.   Thank you for your generosity!

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Post for the Day: “Ripped from the Headlines!”

The people at the daily post suggested the following prompt of “Ripped from the Headlines!” for us to write about today.  They included two sentences giving us more directions – “Head to your favorite online news source. Pick an article with a headline that grabs you. Now, write a short story based on the article. ”

Article from Mad World News

The article I selected was “White Woman Caught In Vulnerable Moment, Black Guy Rolled Up & Took Over”.  Paints a different picture than most of today’s articles about the interaction of white people and people of African descent.

Listening to today’s news on television had my mind thinking this would be a bloody outcome of some sorts!  Thankfully, I was wrong.  The colored hgentleman did not hurt these women in any way,  he went out of his way to make sure they would be safe during their travels!

Not only did he take a look under the hood of their car to try and diagnose what was wrong, he drove them using his own car, to a place so they could purchase the needed parts (replacement car battery).  Once they returned to the disabled vehicle, he installed the new part and checked the oil level in their car!  Thankfully he knew about the inner workings of an automobile’s engine.

Media today can be disceiving

This is not what you might think would be coming from a place not too far from Ferguson, MO.  No rape, looting, or gun shots involved!  Just a young man helping a single woman in distress.  He was not afraid to do actual work to help others.

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Prompt for the Day: “Trains, Planes, and Automobiles”

The adventurous people of the Daily Press portion of Word Press posed the following prompt to get our writing engines started for the day: “Trains, Planes, and Automobiles“.  If that wasn’t enough they added the following comment:  “You’re going on a cross-country trip. Airplane, train, bus, or car? (Or something else entirely — bike? Hot air balloon?)”

Personally for trips of more than a few hours, I prefer flying in a commercial jet.  Tend to get cramped when sitting in a car for more than 3 hours at a time.  Used the commuter trains every day, while I resided in the Chicago-metro area back in  the late 1990’s.  Was a few years before the 9/11/2001 tragedy occurred.  Sleeping on the trains back then going to work was completely safe.  Wouldn’t be willing to risk it now!

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Used to love riding my bike on the back roads growing up in southern Illinois.  Went off alone to college in Missouri, where during the first long weekend, wrecked my bicycle.  Kinda damaged my two front teeth (that’s all that we realized at the time).  Now years later, have discovered did a little more damage.  The hospital I went to back then couldn’t even treat me because I was only 17 years old.  My mom had to fax papers giving them permission to help stop the bleeding.  Eventually, had to have two caps placed on the 2 broken teeth.  Apparently, my nose suffered some major damage.  Have a deviated septum that no one noticed until the past several years!

Doubt I will ever get the nerve to travel by hot air balloon.  Ships are also out of the question, now that I can no longer swim to try to save my life.  Used to be a Red Cross certified life guard in junior high school.  Can’t even save myself now, let alone anyone else!