The artful people of the Daily Post group of Word Press crafted today’s prompt of “The Great Pretender“. They also posed a question, followed by a request. “Are you full of confidence or have you ever suffered from Impostor Syndrome? Tell us all about it.”
In my life
It all depends on which period of my life you are discussing.
- While growing up in the forgotten part of southern Illinois, pretended to be smart and religious christian to make my father happy. The church in which I was forced to belong , the United Church of Christ, was money hungry to put it politely.
- Moved out of state to attend college in Missouri. While there, tried to join the domination located there to be told informed they weren’t interested in letting college students join. Joined a Methodist church that welcomed and let college kids participate in their faith. Ended up getting married to my husband in that church because he had joined it as well.
- Got a job that forced us to move to the Chicago-metro area of IL. Was the first female in the branch of the company to be hired. Did a lot of pretending to fit in with the all male environment. Spent 18 months there. While on a contract to cover for a man who’s wife had a baby out in California. Had to fly there going through and stopping at Denver International Airport in Colorado. While taxing down the runway to return home, saw what literally looked like fire raining down from above in the sky. Knew I wanted to live in that place next!
- Got transferred within the company to the Denver area branch. The company started to disintegrate from lack of business. Saw the signs before, so I found another company to work for in the same field of employment. Lasted only a month or so there. Found a different field of work that still used my technical knowledge. Started the new job, the Monday after the Friday I quit the last job! Company was on shaky grounds before I started. Was unaware of the fact. A little over a year and a half after I was hired, the company filed for bankruptcy. Was let go like all the other people working there. Was unemployed for the first time in my life. After much searching for new work, was hired by a contractor for the Department of Homeland Security. My husband was not happy with where we lived. He wanted to move to Wisconsin.
- I resigned my work and we packed up the house and moved to try and purchase a bar in WI. There was no employment available in my field anywhere near where we were living. So with absolutely no income coming in, had to seek employment some where. Made the mistake of accepting the first full time job offered to me. Led me down the road to try committing suicide, I was so miserable! Ended up having to file bankruptcy. Lost our house in CO and all my retirement savings that I had amassed during my years of employment. Had to retreat with our tails between our legs back to the miserable area of southern IL.
- Back in IL, we lived in my dead grandparents old home. Filed for medicare disability since I was no longer able to work. My husband was able to find employment in a nearby town. With my health deteriorating at an alarming rate had to get help from the state to take care of me. Was not able to keep the house clean and running like I’d always done. A little over 18 months, had given us the chance to get back up on our feet financially. We returned to the city in which we had been married in MO.
- Since my husband was able to transfer the position he worked in IL to MO, we still had income coming in. Was able to get an electronic wheelchair paid for through my medicare disability. Was still not able to find myself work. Now was in my wheelchair 24 hours a day. The location he was now working in did not treat him well. He transferred to another location. Still unhappy, he decided we had to move to another state entirely!
- Minnesota was were he wanted to move to this time. Did some research and discovered a town that had handicapped housing available. Unfortunately, his employer did not have a location anywhere near there. So we moved into an apartment complex that was supposed to be fully handicap accessible. (Apparently, an actual person confined to a wheelchair had not ever tried living there successfully before!) Was a living nightmare! Electric wheelchair would not even fit in the doors. Thankfully still had brought my manual chair that I have had since 1996 along when we moved each time. The wheelchair began to show its age. Brakes no longer worked. Would not even fit into the bathroom when we eventually moved down to the first floor, had to remove the leg rests from the chair. Looked into getting a new wheelchair from my disability insurance. They had a little problem getting it small enough to allow me to be able to use the restroom. After three tries, they got the perfect model. Now had a chair that the gentleman who delivered it taught me to take care of the brakes.
- We started looking for a home so we could get out of the dreaded apartment complex from hell! Enlisted the aide of a helpful realtor. Found a house located in a city that had 24 hour transportation available for the handicap population. Closed on the house on the 15th of August. Moved in on the 20th! Love our new neighbors.
Please help fight my disease
The medicine my neurologist has me on for my multiple sclerosis is called Tysabri. Trying to find the actual cost on the internet is impossible. I remember when I first started on it , the amount the facility tried charging me was well over $2500. There was no way my husband and I could afford that every 28 days! Biogen (manufacturing drug company) has been helping us with some of the cost of the drug, but will not continue indefinitely. So I have started a Go Fund Me campaign. To contribute to it click on the following link: https://www.gofundme.com/zfabhdes
All help will be greatly appreciated. Thank you for your generosity!
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